B is for Broccoli
Cause why not
Have you heard the news...?! There's something out there that can improve your health. It's quick, easy, and sometimes delicious. Depending on a few circumstances that is. They're called fruits and vegetables and are all the new rage.
I like to make my writing timeless. As of writing this, there exists a popular commercial where the main characters are effectively a cabal of evil elite sea creatures. They sit at a round table plotting world domination, all while speaking English of course. If a human gets in their way, one wearing a monocle snarls and growls at them in an evil amphibious manner. Teeth and all. It's honestly breathtaking and I wanted to share this, rather than just interject a YouTube clip of the commercial that nobody will watch anyways. You're just gonna have to find that on your own if you’re reading this in some year greater than 2023.
Often I have thought about the question: What type of animal would you be? Invariably I would always say a tiger, cause they are gnarly as f_ck. However, I would like to symbolically add an asterisk to this answer. Attached to that asterisk would be my desire to be an evil sea creature with a seat at that round table mentioned so I can give my own input on said world domination. And I would snarl, oh would I snarl. Shoot, I probably do my own human form of snarling present day. But it would be way cooler if I was an ill tempered, maniacal, amphibious thingy.
For some reason, I feel like these elite dolphin demons snack on broccoli. Why wouldn't they...? It's a cruciferous vegetable that is chock full of vitamins and minerals. Low in calories, high in fiber. With vitamins C, E, and K to be exact. And, something about the cruciferous part gives it purported cancer fighting properties. Likely due to the phytonutrients and free radicals on tap.
So, as you can see, if you were an evil human speaking ocean dweller, this would be an essential go to. Taking over the world is hard work, and you would need to be tip top therefore good nutrition is a must. For us humans however, there are a few key ways broccoli shall be consumed. Either, raw or after some heat has been applied to it.
Many years ago, I went the raw route. Which was fine, until my stomach went to digest it. Let's just say I was a no bueno scenario leaving me some discomfort several hours after consumption. Turns out, cruciferous vegetables have sugars, or starches, that your body will need to break down during digestion. This will be the source of said discomfort with certain people. And I was one of them. However, I found by applying some heat via steam, boiling, or roasting, these sugars would be broken down for me. However, going this route still retains the majority of the good stuff. So near zero nutrient loss… Gaseous stomach problems be gone.
When I was living all by myself, I would simply soak a serving of raw broccoli in water for 5–10 minutes. Drain. Then place in a microwavable bowl. Cover with a microwavable top. And place it in the, um, microwave for some period of time of which I forget. The water in the broccoli itself, and from the soaking, will heat up and create steam. The steam will be trapped by the lid, is hot, and will help cook the broccoli from the outside. I like it tender but some tooth still to it, ie not mush, so I had to experiment with the time and intensity setting on my microwave. Once out, I let it sit for another 5 minutes or so. Removed it from the covered bowl. Served on a plate. Applied a light dressing of extra virgin olive oil, salt, pepper, done.
Such a key add on to my meals. Ushering in a different flavor, texture, and nutrition profile.
Maybe if I show up at one of these elite round table meetings eating broccoli the evil sea creatures will let me in their clique as a sort of human interface. They can use me to pacify and otherwise convince the rest of the human race that they are cool nae nefarious. Helping them accelerate their plans to displace the humans from earth, leaving it all to themselves. We can watch the world burn as we munch on steamed broccoli as a further bonding experience.
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