Romance Principles
Some time ago I came across the following short on YouTube (see below). Basically, it is a woman in her mid/late thirties telling men out there to never EVER get back with any woman who has left you for another man. Her reasoning is that this woman simply thought you were not better than the one she's moved on to. And since it is a 30-60 second clip this is where it ends. So I feel as though she hooks you with this message in such a short period of time with her emphasis and tone of voice. Although I am aware of the sheer volume of this type of content that exists online, I can't say I'm a huge consumer of it. Mostly because it involves relationship advice and topics that I figured out on my own many years ago. Well, perhaps more so from how I was raised and from birth I'd imagine.
Specifically, this girl’s video's deal with a lot of advice for men and what to look out for when dating. When asked why she makes such content, she stated that she married her high school sweetheart. They had a son together, then got divorced when she was roughly 30 yrs old. She made more money than him, and therefore she had to deal with her ex and his lawyer aggressively going after her wages in the name of child support and perhaps even alimony. Something men typically go through and are not too keen on. Also, she has two older (?) brothers and has seen what they've gone through when dating women. On top of this, she claims to have a good relationship with them, and most importantly her father. From these collective experiences, while also recognizing the current dating climate, she stated to be very concerned for her son's future in terms of his personal life.
Anyway, when it came out I commented on this video for it struck a chord with me. Why? Well, most of my friends from childhood up to and including college met their wives between the ages of 16 and 22. Of this lot, at least two of them had been left by their wives prior to their marriage. Here are these stories from my perspective.
The summer between my junior and senior year in college saw me living on campus since I was continuing some research from the prior academic year under a professor of mine. On the weekends I would go home since it was only an hour and a half away and campus was dead. As in, the majority of students and my friends were home as well. One Friday or Saturday evening, around 11pm, the phone rang. This was a time before cell phones were prominent, so it was a house phone, and they were loud when they rang. When I answered it was my best friend on the other end who is the same age a me. He was sad, explaining how his girlfriend, who is a year older than us, just broke up with him and was off to Mexico with another guy. This right after her college graduation.
They met when we were 16 (maybe he just turned 17) and she was 17 (or 18) which meant at that point they'd been together for nearly over 4 years.
This dude and I grew up together. He was like a second brother to me as we spent every day together really. His parents were almost like second parents to me. Likewise, was the nature of my parent’s relationship with him. He had moved away just before high school, but we kept in touch and visited one another multiple times per year. When he met this girl, they were inseparable just like we had been. They included each other in everything they did. So when I got this news from him I was like, 'Dude, just forget about her and move on...!' I just felt it was kinda foul to do my friend like that when they had been such a tight unit. Like, it was very sudden from my recollection but then again, I didn’t talk to them often at this point and was unaware of the inner workings of their relationship. After I told him this, he stated that he wanted to drive overnight and early morning (he was 5 hours away) to come be with me and my family for a few days. Our formative years were together and I guess he wanted a bit of a place he used to call home. But I was off back to my university in the next day or two and I told him he should hold off on such a trek. At which point my mom came to see what was going on and ended up talking to him for an hour or so consoling him and giving him advice.
Later on that summer he came and visited me on campus. He was in single mode which was fun. Although there were some strikeouts with ladies we'd met, he nearly convinced some hot waitresses at the Hooters we were eating at to come hang with us after their shift. Haha.
Then a few months later I get a call at the off-campus apartment I shared with two others. Now it's deep into the fall semester. He tells me he's gotten back with his ex and their engaged. I asked him what made him want to do so, he simply stated that her beauty was beyond compare. I mean, he was talking about her physical beauty at the time as we were 21 after all. But, I think what he meant was her beauty as an entire person and what she meant to him. But most importantly, she was casting her beauty onto him once more and giving him the attention that he had missed...from her.
To my knowledge he didn't really find someone else in that time period when they were separated. It's tough for fellas as we have to put in a lot of work to get a woman to stick around. In the event he did find someone I didn't hear about it, or it didn't last.
Later that year, a few weeks after he and I graduated, I was the best man at their wedding. Me and the bridesmaid, the bride’s best friend, became emotional during the ceremony. We'd known each other from prior visits of mine and just chose to lock eyes to get through it without an ugly cry from both of us. Anyway, they've been married ever since and have two sons, a 20-year-old and a 16–17-year-old (can't recall). As far as I know they've been happily married and still include each other in everything they do.
A few months after that, my college roommates and I were off working or at graduate school. One weekend during this time everyone got together except for myself since I had work duties. Afterward I heard that one such roommate brought a girl he had just met. They were both in the same law school. When I was getting a lowdown on how the weekend went without me, I was told that of meeting this girl he said: in law school everyone is smart, so I just focused on finding a girl I'm attracted too. Pretty good strategy if you ask me. Go to a place where everyone has a quality you want in a mate, then find the one you fancy the most. As the years went by, we got together many more times for summer and winter holidays where she was in attendance allowing I and the rest of the group to get to know her.
Finally, some seven years after they met, I was at their wedding. Their ceremony was in a small chapel much like the one in the Guns N' Roses November Rain video. Except this one was near the ocean. Anyway, as the bride arrived at the door to walk down the aisle, looking oh so beautiful in her wedding gown, everyone instinctually snapped their necks to look at the altar to catch the reaction of the groom. As we did this, I saw my college roommate start to sob but in a good way. A touching way. It was brief but highly noticeable. So much so that when one of his Australian friends at the wedding was roasting the couple during the reception (apparently a tradition in the land of Oz) this man did not hold back pouncing on my friends show of emotion for some hilarity.
After the reception we all went to a bar to chill and grab more drinks. This is where I asked their law school friends what that crying was about cause I had no idea. That's when they told me that she had left him just prior to their engagement. They didn't say if it was for another man or not but I'd imagine another man had at least some little bit to do with it. They further said that upon this breakup, he really chucked himself into a bit of a one or multi night alcoholic bender. Alas, she eventually came back to him. And...he took her back. To my knowledge he never found anyone else in the interim but I could be wrong. And either she didn't as well, or didn't find anyone that could compare to my friend.
They have been married ever since and have two children as well, a son and daughter I believe. One may be a tween, the other a full-fledged teen. To my knowledge, this is a happy marriage for both of them.
These are just a few of many stories I have. If I really think about it, I could probably find some others in my memory banks of other friends I've had who've been through this very same thing. Other male friends to be specific.
As was stated before, these two were left by their ladies presumably for other men. Although they were great dudes at the time, Casanova's they were not. I'm sure if they wanted to be they could be, but, it was not their thing. Their ladies came back, they took them back, and ultimately these dudes got what they wanted which is to be a family man with these women.
My experience has been different to say the least. I've seen a few ladies come and go. And as eluded to earlier, my natural response to a woman who left me when there really wasn't anything wrong with our relationship was...BYE. Have a nice life. And then just keep it movin'. In other words I'd just let them go for drama is not my thing and if you're leaving for no apparent reason then drama is what you're looking for either consciously or subconsciously. Or you just can't communicate your feelings to me and want me to guess or compete for you with another guy. This is when I chuck up my deuces and skedaddle making that decision easy for you.
They would almost be in shock that I would hold up to this, but it's like look... You decided to leave when the positives of our union were much greater than our negatives. You wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Not only was I offended by that, it doesn't show good judgment. In fact, it shows when the going gets a little rough, and I do me very little, you wanna exit the scenario. This is not someone I'd want to be in a foxhole with. Pretty simple. In fact, if either of my parents did that to one another I would not respect them as much as I do now. Again, this is just how I would roll from birth.
My question is though, and the crux of my comment on the video above, who came off better? Myself or these two friends of mine. Now to be fair, both had WAY more time invested with those ladies than I've ever had in any of my relationships...but still. All that time invested and they left? Regardless, those other dudes who took their ladies back have what they've, shoot, we've always wanted. That is to say, they've got a life that I've always wanted now after enduring some behavior from their wives that I felt was disrespectful towards them. Shoot, I bet they felt it was disrespectful as well.
Now, I don't want ladies reading this to take away that this strategy is okay. For sure this blight on their relationships most likely has come back in some form during darker moments in their marriage. As in this action that they chose to take has most likely came back up in many arguments and perhaps a tacit resentment over the years. Even though the outcome worked out. Just don't think that every man will take you back like this. Especially one that clearly had many options.
But who came off better, me or them? Cause I’m still single, no kids. Is this girl’s advice from the video warranted? Discuss in the comment section below.
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