Love → Wellness | Part 2
About that love from friendship...
This is Part 2 of my love and wellness series. For part 1, click here.
Love comes in many different forms. As discussed in part 1, self-love is essential to arriving at a space where you are truly at peace with yourself. Your most relaxed state if you will. Your highest form of yourself, by yourself. Stemming from the most important type of love.
Without loving thy self, gaining love through the company you keep, or more specifically friendships, will not entirely be possible. Sure you will have acquaintances, but this is not what I am talking about. Hear me out.
Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down… No seriously.
This is a story of my childhood best friend. His family moved next door when I was seven years old. By this time, I was friends with many other kids my age in the neighborhood. Being a new jack on the scene must have been difficult for him without question. But, our friendship quickly flourished, and we became inseparable. We were the same age. He was an only child. His parents became like second parents to me. Therefore, he became like a brother to me.
Speaking of, I do have a brother who is nine years older. So, he was in a different part of his life when this kid came into town. In fact, by the time I was nine, my brother was out of the house. From thereafter, it was just me and my parents.
All the more reason this new neighbor and I developed a friendship so very quickly.
You may have already sussed out from other posts, but, my parents are from Greece. Because of this, Greek culture still had a strong presence in our household at the time. This friend of mine was from southern California, less than 100 miles outside Los Angeles. And, his family was very American, as in he was unaware of his heritage. Well, his heritage is Californian really. AND, our friendship took place less than 100 miles north of NYC. Therefore, we also both came from a different American subculture.
Looking back on it, it seemed as though we were destined to meet. Having him in my life all those years brought a different dimension of existence for me and my family. Chiefly due to the reasons mentioned in the above paragraph. By in large, there seemed to be an underlying level of love and respect that my family and his family had for one another. Also, I would be remiss to mention, my parents were kind of like second parents to him in a way.
For many years he was a solid partner in my life. In many ways, we came of age together having many similar, and shared experiences through those years. Always having an extreme laugh when we witnessed things that were goofy or silly to us. Always having each others backs when we witnessed or experienced things, together or individually, that were too much for our young minds to comprehend by our lonesome.
Unknowingly, we fostered one another from childhood into our teenage years. We were faithful friends to one another in an unspoken way. He was more than just someone to kick it with after school. Our friendship was a way to ground ourselves. Understand ourselves, and what we meant to the world around us. We were each others sounding boards. We were like batteries, absorbing (and giving) energy we had in which we did not understand. Our friendship kept us even keeled as individuals.
The summer before our freshman year of high school, his dad got a job in another state. They were set to move to another city. Someone I was with nearly every day from when we were seven years old. Honestly, it came as quite a shock.
I can still remember the last night I visited them at their house, with my girlfriend in tow. His mom going off by herself to the illustrious deck they had built a few years prior, to have a cry. The short and stunned conversation I had with his dad…saying our goodbyes. I can still remember being in his room for the last time and trying to chill as if everything was normal. Actually, it was good that my girlfriend happened to be there. Honestly, it would have been too much for us, I feel, if she wasn't.
Such was our friendship that we kept in touch, visiting each other once a year up until we were in our early twenties…when he got married. Perhaps this may not come as a surprise, but, I was the best man at his wedding. Through those years, we kept the spark alive as much as possible. We grew into separate people in a lot of ways. Sometimes fighting like brothers, sometimes acting like we were still thirteen years old. And everything in between.
I am not sure where I would be if I didn't have this experience in my life. For, now I know what true friendship should look like, and what it shouldn't.
If you can, keep your heart open to have solid friends that you can truly lean on when times get tough. Be the same for those friends whom are closest to you. I say your heart must be open because this type of connection is not something you can manufacture. It will just happen out of nowhere. If your heart is closed, or you try to force anything, such a friendship will not be possible.
True friendships give us an outside perspective that we are not able to see. Sometimes, our friends can give us a type of love and support that our families are not able to give.
Your friends shall be an extension of your true inner self. They will allow you to learn new things with a fresh minds eye. They will often add color to your world when things seem black and white.
True friendship is unconditional. In fact, conditions, and love are mutually exclusive. Love comes with no rhyme or reason. It just exists. It just is. You will feel the need to express it without expecting anything in return.
During high school, I searched for a similar sort of connection with others, and failed. Later, I just found myself not trying to force anything. What I did receive were a series of friendships akin to tapas, rather than a main course. Which was fine. Then, soon enough, I would meet another person that would fill the void.
To go without a loving friendship is not healthy. But, you must be patient and open. It will present itself quite clearly while being effortless to engage and maintain.
Be like a surfer…catch this wave and ride it.
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